The chance to serve God as a leader is more significant now than ever before. We stand on the brink of what can be called the “eleventh-hour harvest,” a time when more souls will come into the Kingdom of God than since the Day of Pentecost.
God seeks individuals who are ready to let go of the “childish things” of this world. For those who aspire to join the ranks of His mighty warriors, Jesus offers the yoke of a disciplined life.
It’s important to note that more individuals stumble after becoming leaders than during their preparation for that role.
Satan is determined to undermine Christian leadership and finds support in our own human weaknesses. As God equips men and women to rise victoriously in leadership, He also prepares them for the spiritual battles against Satan.
Yet, despite this divine preparation, many succumb to moral temptations, becoming part of the kingdom’s spiritual casualty list. In this chapter, my goal is to outline how to prevent this avoidable tragedy and to convey a vital survival principle for men.
A. IMMORALITY: A LEADER’S DOWNFALL
Moral corruption has long posed a threat to Christian leaders, but it has escalated to unprecedented levels today. The assault on family and marriage has become more intense than ever. Contemporary culture promotes a morality that legitimizes adultery, fornication, and homosexuality.
Behaviors that once contributed to the collapse of nations and civilizations are now celebrated as progressive lifestyles. In some places, explicit literature is so widely accessible that even unsuspecting children can purchase it. A deluge of moral decay has engulfed the world.
Paul’s prophecy about people losing their natural affection in the last days has come to pass. Many in society deride marriage and advocate for cohabitation and sexual promiscuity. Media figures often portray sexual immorality as socially acceptable.
Both history and scripture affirm that a husband and wife in marital fidelity represent the only rightful way to live. This mounting pressure on Christian leaders is compounded by their roles, which often place them in situations rife with sexual temptation and potential for failure.
The decline in moral standards makes them even more susceptible.
1. Causes Of Immorality
a. Personal Insecurity. When a man falls into adultery, it often indicates a lack of proper self-esteem. Personal insecurity (lack of faith and confidence in God) is at the root of much sexual misconduct.
Many men believe they must demonstrate their attractiveness to women by engaging in immoral behavior. This flirtation can ultimately result in a painful descent into fornication.
When we are unsure of our identity or purpose, we risk succumbing to pride and the desire for recognition. In an attempt to compensate for our perceived shortcomings, we may resort to boasting or making statements we think will elevate our status in the eyes of others.
Another form of insecurity can also lead to sexual dysfunction:
b. Marital Insecurity. Moral vulnerability roots in personal insecurity like pride does, only it is an insecurity in our marriage relationship.
There is no mystery why a man or woman of God can fail through sexual sin. It happens time after time, and mostly for the same reasons. Few sins are mentioned as often as this sin throughput the Bible.
Solomon speaks to the “young man,” warning hi m to be careful in his relationship with women. Paul speaks about the need to have a warm, loving relationship with your wife as a way to avoid fornication (I Cor 7:1-7).
Still ministers fail to heed this practical advice and plunge headlong into Satan’s trap. Tragically this is happening at the time when the fields of the world need more men to stand strong and bring in the great harvest of souls.
God intends for individuals to commit to a faithful, loving relationship with one spouse. Any deviation from this ideal is considered sin.
The Bible teaches that a healthy marriage brings immense joy, fulfillment, and satisfaction. God has created men and women to experience emotional connection, companionship, and the fulfillment they seek within the bonds of marriage.
In contrast, experiences such as fornication and adultery lack true satisfaction and fulfillment, often leaving feelings of fear, guilt, emptiness, and disappointment. The genuine love and commitment found in a godly marriage provide a sense of fulfillment that those engaged in infidelity cannot attain.
It is important to emphasize that only a well-nurtured marriage can bring true satisfaction. Relationships characterized by conflict and resentment fall short. Moreover, Satan often exploits leaders who neglect the importance of maintaining a secure and loving home environment.
B. GOD’S PURPOSE IN MARRIAGE
God said,
“It isn’t good for man to be alone; I will make a companion for him, a helper suited to his needs” (Gen 2:18 tlb).
1. We Are To Be Helpmates
God ordained marriage because a man and a woman aren’t complete without one another. They each need a helper to make it possible to survive the rough attacks life brings.
“Two are better than one…. If one falls, the other pulls him up; but if a man falls when he is alone, he’s in trouble…. And one standing alone can be attacked and defeated, but two can stand back-to-back and conquer… ” (Eccl 4:9,12 pph).
This describes what God intended marriage to be, one pulling up another and each helping the other. When God made the woman for the man, it was so she would be a helper. Unfortunately, instead of Eve helping Adam to fulfill the purpose of God, she helped him to fail.
Eve served as a companion to the devil. Unable to directly undermine Adam, the devil manipulated the woman to aid his agenda.
While Eve was intended to be a helper, she ultimately aligned herself with the devil’s intentions rather than those of God or Adam. I recall a preacher from years past who was mightily anointed and called by God. Incredible opportunities for ministry arose, with invitations from various nations anticipating his impact on the spiritual lives of countless individuals.
Yet, a troubling pattern emerged. About a week before each scheduled trip, his wife would start causing turmoil regarding his departure.
Her discontent would agitate the children, who joined her in a relentless campaign against him, ultimately forcing him to cancel his commitments.
This scenario repeated so often that it eroded people’s trust in him; they began to see him as unreliable and untrustworthy, unaware that his wife was unwittingly undermining his powerful ministry, just as Eve had done before her.
I can’t help but wonder how many ministries have been hindered by husbands and wives inadvertently acting as “helpers” to the enemy, driven by their own selfish motives.
2. We Are To Share Responsibilities
In his first epistle, Peter writes extensively about the marriage relationship of Christians (I Pet 3). It is of interest that when the Bible deals with marriage, it almost always starts out with the wife’s role and responsibility, and then deals with the husband’s role.
No doubt this is because “the woman [Eve] being deceived was in the transgression” (l Tim2:14).
Hence, there is some basis for the idea that the wife has a priority responsibility to act properly in the marriage. If she does so, this can insure a more positive and harmonious home in which the purposes of God will more likely find fulfillment. If she doesn’t — the devil’s will can prevail as it did with Eve. The devil, working through Eve, neutralized Adam’s calling and ministry, and Adam failed.
No man should take the above and use it as an excuse for his own wrong-doing, or failure to meet his responsibility in marriage. The man has responsibilities equal to, or greater than, the woman’s.
“You husbands must be careful of your wives, being thoughtful of their needs and honoring them as the weaker sex. Remember that you and your wife are partners in receiving God’s blessings, and if you don’t treat her as you should, your prayers win not
get ready answers….
“You should… be full of sympathy toward each other, loving one another with tender hearts and humble minds. Don’t repay evil for evil. Don’t snap back or say unkind things. Instead, pray for God’s help. If we are kind to others… God will bless us for it” (I Pet 3:7-9 tlb/pph).
Both husband and wife play vital roles in creating a loving and nurturing environment at home.
She fosters this atmosphere with her gentle, humble, and quiet demeanor, while he takes on the responsibility of ensuring that the family’s financial, emotional, and practical needs are met.
C. FAIR GAME FOR SATAN
When the harmony of a marriage is interrupted, the help and encouragement the man was to derive from the woman is taken away. Feelings of rejection, insecurity and failure develop. At that point, the partners of that marriage become fair game for Satan.
The following imaginary situation shows how it often happens:
1. Satan Sets His Trap
As a preacher, you experience the blessings of God, leading to the growth and expansion of your ministry. However, as demands increase, you find yourself needing to dedicate more time to keep up with your increasing responsibilities.
This challenge often presents itself more quickly for those who struggle with time management and delegation. With an ever-growing list of tasks, you notice that you’re spending less time at home.
When you are at home, it’s not as restful as it once was; your mind is often occupied with ministry matters or future plans for enhancing evangelism and Bible teaching.
a. Pride In Ministry.
You are experiencing a newfound sense of fulfillment from your ministry. This is not surprising, as God has designed men to derive significant personal satisfaction from the work He has called them to.
As you witness God utilizing your talents, your sense of accomplishment from your efforts increases more than ever before.
However, this perspective may differ for women. While they also find fulfillment in their work, their deeper satisfaction often stems from the love and care they receive from their husbands.
As you immerse yourself more in your stimulating ministry, potential challenges may arise. There are times when it’s unavoidable to spend less time at home due to your responsibilities as a leader or teacher. However, this shift in focus can subtly open the door to pride.
You might start to believe that your presence is crucial for the success of your ministry—that it cannot thrive without you.
If you haven’t effectively trained and empowered others for ministry roles (Eph 4:11), you may end up taking on more responsibilities than one person can manage.
This is where you tread a delicate line—one that can be difficult to identify—where a legitimate sense of fulfillment from being used by God can morph into pride.
You may become misled into thinking you are the foundation of your achievements. This can lead to feelings of pride in your busyness, your perceived self-importance, and your imagined greatness.
b. Less Time At Home .
You haven’t realized it but the ministry and place of leadership which was once your mutual joy is now her rival and enemy. She feels she must compete with your ministry for your love and commitment.
As time goes on, the dynamics of your home life have shifted.
Not only are you spending less time there, but the moments you do share lack the meaningful connection they once had. You might not have noticed that your wife is not as happy as she used to be. Your conversations have become surface-level. In the early days of your marriage, you expressed your love for her deeply, but now she feels overshadowed by other aspects of your life.
One evening, when you come home, you find her upset, voicing complaints and making demands. If she’s more reserved, she may withdraw and sulk instead.
She craves more of your time and attention. Unbeknownst to you, the ministry and leadership role that once brought you both joy have become a source of competition for her, as she feels she is vying for your love and commitment.
c. Rejected By Wife.
“She is rejecting God’s will!” you may think. Although you try to be kind and loving, from this point on your marriage begins to deteriorate. You feel your wife is an adversary, making unfair demands on you and giving you unjust ultimatums. “Either your ministry or me!” she seems to be saying.
A wise, understanding wife would recognize what is happening. She would try to reassure her husband of her love and support. Then she would explain how much she is hurting, and appeal to her husband to try and understand her need.
Unfortunately, the wife is usually hurting too much to use reason. Instead, she lashes out in anger and rejection — making matters worse. Just when you’ve come to the place you’ve both dreamed of and your ministry has begun to prosper, it seems she has turned on you.
Obviously your sexual relationship has begun to deteriorate. You no longer feel secure or needed at home. Home isn’t the haven it used to be and it isn’t as much fun to be there. Although this causes pain, you can avoid it somewhat by throwing yourself all the more into your ministry.
Soon you find that even the satisfaction you get from your work in the ministry doesn’t help the feeling you’ve been rejected by your wife. Your insecurity grows, so you begin to feel unhappy about your situation in general, and Satan sets his final trap.
As your situation at home worsens, a subconscious thing has begun to happen.
Your wife’s rejection has wounded your pride; but you find it difficult to see you helped create the problem. You can’t acknowledge this is largely your responsibility. As a result you blame your wife’s unwillingness to understand you.
You may even feel that she has decided she doesn’t love you any more. You are hurt. You need reassurance. You may unconsciously feel the need to reaffirm your manhood and prove that your wife’s rejection — as you see it — hasn’t canceled out your masculinity.
2. The Trap Is Sprung
As a leader in the church, you provide considerable counseling. Throughout your ministry, individuals confide in you about their personal challenges, and many of them are women.
a. The Counselee.
On a fateful evening, the moment arrives! You’ve spotted this young woman at your usual meeting place several times before.
Despite being one of the more spiritually inclined members of the church, she has endured significant suffering due to her unfortunate marriage to a non-believing, alcoholic husband. She has sought your guidance, looking for support to strengthen her faith and continue her personal growth, even amidst her difficult home life.
Your advice has provided her with considerable peace and assistance. Over time, a strong trust has developed between you two, and you’ve even confided some of your own struggles to her.
In your discussions, you’ve discovered that she truly possesses a deep understanding—perhaps even more than your wife.
b. The Unexpected Happens.
It’s possible that your home life has been especially difficult lately, or you’ve been particularly sensitive to your wife’s sense of distance.
For some reason, this counseling session has felt more intimate than usual. Whatever the cause, an unexpected moment occurs—perhaps a casual touch or a knowing, warm look that conveys a sense of affection that isn’t fully understood, stirring deeper emotions.
Given the stress from home, your defenses are lowered, and you feel vulnerable and isolated. In this moment, temptation strikes, and before you know it, you find yourselves in each other’s embrace. This marks the beginning of a series of secret encounters. You’ve fallen into sexual sin!
c. It Can Happen To Anyone .
This tale is fictional but inspired by real accounts from church leaders who have devoted their lives to service only to be ensnared by temporary, illicit affairs. While the specifics may vary, the underlying truths remain valid. Anyone can fall into this trap if they aren’t vigilant.
A victim of such a nefarious deception might attempt to rationalize their behavior, pointing fingers at their spouse, a counselee, or various other factors.
However, true wisdom lies in recognizing that the blame rests solely on their own desires. In many cases, moral compromise arises from feelings of insecurity within one’s marriage, often stemming from a lack of attention to one’s spouse and family.
D. YOUR MOST IMPORTANT RELATIONSHIP
The most important relationship a church leader has besides the Lord is with his wife.
“For this cause, ” God says, “shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and they shall become one flesh ” (Gen 2:24).
When God chooses a man to be united with a wife, his foremost duty is to that wife. It is not God’s intention for anything to disrupt that bond.
The same God who has called you to serve in ministry has also given you your wife and instructs you to love her (Eph 5:25). He requires that your love for your wife surpasses all else, with the exception of your devotion to Him.
Understand this: whether your work diverts your affection or another woman comes into the picture, the impact on your wife remains the same. She experiences the same loss of your love and commitment, and her heartache does not change.
1. Love Your Wife As Christ Loved The Church
Not only does God tell us to love our wives. He also tells us how.
” Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself up for her… that he might present to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing….
“So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself; for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church….
“For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife, and the two of them shall be one flesh” (Eph 5:25-31).
God’s initial design was for a man to leave his parents and unite with his wife. When a husband and wife genuinely dedicate themselves to one another, they experience a unique fulfillment in their marriage that cannot be found elsewhere.
Therefore, as church leaders, we must prioritize our commitment to our wives above all else. Neglecting our families in favor of our ministry, our congregations, or any other pursuits disrupts God’s intended order. This creates an opening that Satan can exploit to bring harm to our lives.
a. Maintain Your Commitment.
When you married your wife you promised you would love and cherish her faithfully for the rest of your life. If you break this vow and lose sight of your priorities, you will wound your wife’s spirit and embitter her towards you. This leads to your rejection and the temptation toward wounded pride.
However, if you maintain your commitment to your wife, you will find you can build a strong marriage and provide yourself great protection against Satan’s strategies to tempt you to moral compromise.
God doesn’t want us to pander and indulge our wives’ fleshly whims and desires.
Both husbands and wives are called to help one another grow in grace and Christian maturity. However, we need to be very careful that in not spoiling our wives, we not fail to love and cherish them as we should.
b. Build A Solid Foundation.
Your wife isn’t the only one who will benefit when you love her the way Christ loved the Church. You will benefit as well.
A wife loves and respects a husband who loves her. Submission is not as difficult for women who are treated properly by their husbands. Men who love their wives and pay attention to them, and share intimate conversation, build marriages on a solid foundation which make them secure against satanic attack.
“Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and every woman have her own husband” (I Cor 7:2). The husband who loves his wife will have far less trouble with sexual temptation because his sexual relationship with his own wife will be so fulfilling.
Paul knew this and exhorted that men and women live in the fulfillment of committed love. An immoral sexual relationship loses much of its attraction for the Christian leader who is fulfilled in the context of his own home.
Contrariwise, a man or woman who denies the other spouse his or her conjugal rights is inviting trouble in the marriage. Sex should never be used to punish, control or selfishly manipulate your spouse.
E. STEPS TO VICTORY
This all makes sense and we know it is in the Bible. But when ministers experience success in the ministry, and their pride is fed with much praise, a feeling of self-importance can begin to undermine their marriage.
1. Your First Priority Must Be Your Wife
It is at this time you need to remember that the girl you married is still your first priority. No matter how successful or important you think your ministry may be, you will ultimately fail if you forget your God-given responsibility for your wife.
Proverbs is unyielding about this kind of a situation: “The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out,
“For jealousy enrages a man, and he will not spare in the day of vengeance. He will not accept any ransom, nor will he be content though you give many gifts” (Prov 6:32-35).
God will forgive and forget the sin of the leader who falls and truly repents. But, the people will not. They will remember the rest of their lives — and many will never forgive the man who let them down by his moral failure. Such leaders will be haunted day and night by thoughts of “what might have been — had I not sinned.”
2. Avoid Moral Compromise
Throughout the Old and New Testaments, men of God have been warned both by word and example that we should avoid moral compromise. The Proverbs repeat this message:
“Any man who toys with sexual sin is a fool, lacking in sense. ”
a. Eli’s sons… brought God’s judgment upon themselves because they sinned with the women who served at the gate of the tabernacle;
b. Samson… failed and wasted his life because of his fornication with Delilah;
c. David… the man after God’s own heart, suffered throughout his life because of his adultery with Bathsheba; and even
d. Solomon… the very one who wrote Proverbs and warned us of the painful consequences of adultery and fornication, lost God’s favor because of his immorality.
Yet, despite all this, many church leaders fall because they give in to the lusts of the flesh. But you don’t have to. There are some things you can do which will guarantee your protection from this sin that destroys careless men of God.
We’ve already talked about the need to love your wife. This builds the foundation of our fortress against this grievous sin, but there are other materials which makeup the walls.
3. Decide To Stay Pure
Make your final decision that you will not commit fornication or adultery… that you will stay pure in your service to God. Men who study psychology say that once a man has firmly made up his mind about something, he will never change it!
The Bible talks about this when it speaks of a ” repentance not to be repented of”
or a “repentance without regret” (2 Cor7:10).
When we make a strong commitment to turn away from sin and are resolute in our decision, we experience what is known as “repentance without regret.” Many of us understand that adultery and fornication are serious sins that should not be taken lightly, yet we often allow a small space in our minds for those thoughts to linger.
We don’t fully eliminate the idea from our consciousness or confront Satan every time he suggests it. Friends, in doing so, you are planting the seeds of your own downfall.
Regardless of how trivial or inconsequential you may perceive those thoughts to be, they are substantial enough to provide Satan with the foothold he desires.
4. Guard Your Thoughts
Make a decision positively and decisively not to entertain thoughts about moral uncleanness. The Bible says, “Watch over your heart [mind] with all diligence, for from it flow the springs of life ” (Prov 4:23).
Not only must we set our will to be pure, but we must also “set a sentry” at the gates of our mind to keep out impure thoughts. It has been said that you can’t keep the birds from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from nesting in your hair.
If the enemy plants an unclean thought in your mind, reject it outright. “Gird up the loins of your mind” (I Pet 1:13). That means to bind up the loose immoral thoughts and exercise control over them. Don’t let your mind become the devil’s garbage can.
Men of God are often assaulted by unclean thoughts, but they must immediately deal with those thoughts if they will stay pure.
As a man who commits himself to God’s service, you cannot afford to entertain thoughts of impurity.
They may enter uninvited, but you must throw them out as you would a thief or a murderer. If we entertain thoughts of impurity and moral compromise, we give Satan a foothold which could one day cause our downfall.
“For out of the heart [mind] of man proceed… adultery… fornications… these defile the man ” (Matt 15:19,20).
If you are unwilling to make this commitment and won’t decide once and for all to
“flee from fornication,” then don’t go into the work of the Lord. Do anything else you wish, but get out of the ministry.
5. Flee Temptation
The man of God who desires to protect himself must “abstain from every form of evil“(I Ths 5:22).
We cannot afford to risk involvement in activities or places where evil is likely to be found.
When God created you, He released a force within you that insures the continuance of the human race. You canno t cope with it outside the legitimate bounds God has laid down for us in His Word. It is foolish to put yourself in a position where you are likely to arouse this dynamic force through your behavior or environment.
Some Christians feel that because of their faith in Jesus they are immune to sexual temptation. This is plain foolishness! We are told to withstand the devil and resist him, but we are told to “flee from fornication ” (Jas 4:7; I Cor 6:18).
We have power over all manner of evil spirits, and the demons are subject to those who move in the dynamic power of the Holy Spirit. But God gives clear instruction that when it comes to sexual temptation, we are to turn and flee from it.
Joseph is an example of how God wants us to deal with overt sexual temptation.
When Potiphar’s wife tried to seduce Joseph to commit adultery with her, the Bible tells us he turned and fled from her presence leaving his garment in her hand (Gen 39:12).
That is how we are to do it!
Fleeing fornication isn’t only running from obvious attempts to seduce us. It also means guarding ourselves in situations prone to sexual temptation. For those of us in Christian ministry, this means the times we counsel with the opposite sex.
a. Never Alone . One evangelist I know will never be alone with the opposite sex.
Wherever he goes, he is either accompanied by his wife or a male member of his team.
Preachers who are wise and committed to purity never allow themselves to be found in situations where Satan has easy access to them.
When counseling with the opposite sex, always have someone nearby and never be in a private situation. Keep the door of the room open. Make it impossible for sin to happen, and it won’t.
Paul says “make no provision for the flesh in regard to its lusts” (Rom 13:14).
This means not to do anything or be anywhere that arouses your fleshly nature and gives it a chance to take control of your behavior.
As I said before, God has put within us a strong drive to reproduce ourselves. He has also created a unique relationship in which that drive can and should be properly controlled. It is foolish to put ourselves in positions where it will be fanned into flame and cannot be put out. If you play with this fire, you are sure to get burned… and badly.
6. Be Accountable
We must realize that every man and woman suffers the same temptations we do.
Failure in this area wouldn’t be so common or widespread otherwise.
As a minister you will often be discouraged by your job. If you aren’t careful, you’ll believe that no one suffers the same struggles you do.
This is a lie of the devil. Be smart and protect yourself. Let God lead you to a brother (or sister if you are a woman) in whom you can confide, and come to an understanding to help one another with this battle.
The Bible says that two are better than one. Jesus confirmed this by sending His apostles out two-by-two. Having someone who can help you when you are caught at a weak moment is tremendous protection, especially in an area like this where all have times of weakness.
F. SUMMARY
Failing through sexual sin will destroy your ministry and leave a lasting scar in your soul. Although many fall because of this sin, you don’t have to. Let’s review the steps you can take to guard yourself against this fiery dart of the wicked one: 1. Love Your Wife
The root of most sexual failure is insecurity in your marriage. Maintain your home-life and learn to love your wife as Christ loved the Church. Don’t forget that you promised you would love her for the rest of your life. She won’t!
2. Guard Your Thoughts
Make up your mind right now that you will never tamper with moral uncleanness.
Don’t allow thoughts of immorality or moral compromise to enter your mind. If they do, don’t let them stay there.
3. Don’t Give Satan An Advantage
Stay away from situations in which you are likely to be tempted. Guard yourself from Satan’s wiles.
Don’t let him take advantage of you in counseling sessions, or at times you deal extensively with the opposite sex. Don’t be afraid of these times, but approach them wisely.
4. Seek Help In Difficulties
Let a close friend — someone you trust and respect — be your confidant so you can confide in him when you have difficulty with this area of your life. If you are facing temptation, go to him for prayer and support. It’s foolish to face it alone if you don’t have to.
Jesus doesn’t tempt us. He will always help us in our temptations when we call out to Him. He wants us to be pure and to overcome all wickedness.
G. CONCLUSION
Pray this prayer right now as you commit yourself to keep clean hands and a pure heart in your service for your King:
Dear Lord Jesus — I know You’ve called me into the ministry and You want me to stay pure. I praise and thank You that You never compromised Your morals and that, though You were tempted in every way — even in this way — You didn’t sin.
When You ask me to abstain from fleshly lusts and sexual misconduct, it isn’t because You want to deny me joy and fulfillment in life. It is because You want me to know truly abundant living.
Therefore, I receive Your strength and Your righteousness to walk in purity and refuse moral compromise. I will not tamper with sexual uncleanness. I will flee from any form of moral sin. By Your strength and power, I will reject any thought or suggestion of immorality. I choose to walk in Your power and be free from the scars which come from fornication. AMEN!
